To the Family of Brian Buesing
The average age of the military man is 19 years.
He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.
He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father’s; but he has never collected unemployment either.
He’s a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities. Drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.
He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155 mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.
He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.
He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.
He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.
He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.
He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.
He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.
If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food.
He’ll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.
He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.
He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.
He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to ‘square-away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.
Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not “just” a boy.
He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.
He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
~Cedar Key Beacon, March 27, 2003
Monday, March 31
This is my contribution to the unabashed bashing of France!
"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is the one that
says 'First Iraq, then France".
Tom Brokaw
"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from
Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
Jay Leno
"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is
a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rollin
thru Paris with a German Flag on it."
Dave Letterman
Why are all the highways in France lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade!!!
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
~ Unknown
"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable
because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because
they live in France."
Mark Twain
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
Ted Nugent
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found
truffles in Iraq.
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army
Q. How do you stop a french Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing.
Q. how many frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
"We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is the one that
says 'First Iraq, then France".
Tom Brokaw
"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from
Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
Jay Leno
"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is
a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rollin
thru Paris with a German Flag on it."
Dave Letterman
Why are all the highways in France lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade!!!
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
~ Unknown
"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable
because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because
they live in France."
Mark Twain
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
Ted Nugent
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found
truffles in Iraq.
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army
Q. How do you stop a french Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing.
Q. how many frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
"We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
Wednesday, March 12
Wednesday, March 5
A powerful message from one European who has not forgotten!
No matter what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming war, this, from an English journalist, is very interesting. For those of you who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror, this is a notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tony Parsons Daily Mirror September 11, 2002
One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting – the mass murder of thousands, live on television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year. There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves, and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to me.
More than that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language and blood. A little over half a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon?
And exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children – not just Americans, but from dozens of countries, were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them? Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter?
These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great Satan. The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.
The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11.
Remember, remember -
Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.
Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.
Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.
Remember, remember -
And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have.
So a few Al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex...
So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.
AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign of strength. American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq - that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11?
How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street. America watched all of that –and didn't push the button. We should thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war. Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened the gates of hell like you wouldn't believe.
The US is the most militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of the earth. The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived. But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to these wretched countries. How many democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim world? You can count them on the fingers of one hand - assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle.
But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, and optimistic. Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the best friend this country ever had and we should start remembering that.
Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?
Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait. Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the orange center, Oh Mighty One!
Remember, remember, September 11 - One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America.
No, do more than remember. Never forget.
No matter what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming war, this, from an English journalist, is very interesting. For those of you who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror, this is a notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tony Parsons Daily Mirror September 11, 2002
One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting – the mass murder of thousands, live on television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year. There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves, and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to me.
More than that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language and blood. A little over half a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon?
And exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children – not just Americans, but from dozens of countries, were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them? Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter?
These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great Satan. The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.
The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11.
Remember, remember -
Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.
Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.
Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.
Remember, remember -
And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have.
So a few Al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex...
So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.
AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign of strength. American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq - that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11?
How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street. America watched all of that –and didn't push the button. We should thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war. Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened the gates of hell like you wouldn't believe.
The US is the most militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of the earth. The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived. But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to these wretched countries. How many democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim world? You can count them on the fingers of one hand - assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle.
But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, and optimistic. Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the best friend this country ever had and we should start remembering that.
Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?
Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait. Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the orange center, Oh Mighty One!
Remember, remember, September 11 - One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America.
No, do more than remember. Never forget.
Tuesday, March 4
Have you noticed?
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
9. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
11. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12. AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
13. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
9. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
11. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12. AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
13. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
Tuesday, February 18
Taps
We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, "Taps." It's the
song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes.
But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be
interested to find out about its humble beginnings.
Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War,when Union Army
Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in
Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of
land.
During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay
severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate
soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man
back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the
Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his
encampment. When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered
it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead. The Captain
lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In
the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy
had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling
his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.
The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his
superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status.
His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could
have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the
funeral.
The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of
respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician.
The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical
notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's
uniform. This wish was granted. The haunting melody, we now know as "Taps"
... used at military funerals was born. The words are ...
Day is done ... Gone the sun ... From the lakes ... From the hills ..
From the sky ... All is well ... Safely rest ... God is nigh ...
Fading light ... Dims the sight ... And a star ... Gems the sky ...
Gleaming bright ... From afar ... Drawing nigh ... Falls the night ...
Thanks and praise ... For our days ... Neath the sun .. Neath the stars,..
Neath the sky ... As we go ... This we know ... God is nigh ...
I, too, have felt the chills while listening to "Taps" but I have never seen
all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than
one verse. I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if
you had either so I thought I'd pass it along. I now have an even deeper
respect for the song than I did before.
LET US ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE LOST AND HARMED
WHILE SERVING THEIR COUNTRY.
~Via email
We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, "Taps." It's the
song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes.
But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be
interested to find out about its humble beginnings.
Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War,when Union Army
Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in
Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of
land.
During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay
severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate
soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man
back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the
Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his
encampment. When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered
it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead. The Captain
lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In
the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy
had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling
his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.
The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his
superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status.
His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could
have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the
funeral.
The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of
respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician.
The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical
notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's
uniform. This wish was granted. The haunting melody, we now know as "Taps"
... used at military funerals was born. The words are ...
Day is done ... Gone the sun ... From the lakes ... From the hills ..
From the sky ... All is well ... Safely rest ... God is nigh ...
Fading light ... Dims the sight ... And a star ... Gems the sky ...
Gleaming bright ... From afar ... Drawing nigh ... Falls the night ...
Thanks and praise ... For our days ... Neath the sun .. Neath the stars,..
Neath the sky ... As we go ... This we know ... God is nigh ...
I, too, have felt the chills while listening to "Taps" but I have never seen
all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than
one verse. I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if
you had either so I thought I'd pass it along. I now have an even deeper
respect for the song than I did before.
LET US ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE LOST AND HARMED
WHILE SERVING THEIR COUNTRY.
~Via email
IGNORANCE IS ONE THING. . . . .
. . . . .STUPIDITY IS JUST UNEXCUSABLE!
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
```````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
`````````````````````````````````````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
``````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
```````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
````````````````````````
~Via email
. . . . .STUPIDITY IS JUST UNEXCUSABLE!
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
```````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
`````````````````````````````````````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
``````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
```````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
````````````````````````
~Via email
Friday, February 7
Marketing 101
Several women asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
"I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
-- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,
"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."
-- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into
going home with your friend.
-- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
-- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs,
"I'm fantastic in bed!"
-- That's Spam.
~Via Email
Several women asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
"I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
-- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,
"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."
-- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into
going home with your friend.
-- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
-- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs,
"I'm fantastic in bed!"
-- That's Spam.
~Via Email
Sunday, February 2
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing "We
shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to
pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his
"fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity
and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a
list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the
grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while
the government house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and
the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: VOTE REPUBLICAN
~Via Email
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)